Going with the Flow

I have no idea what I'm doing, but this feels good. At this point, I'm just going with the flow. Sure, I've hesitated. I cracked at some points. But now, I'm just enjoying this -- whatever this is.

Confusion

I am just so confused. Just when everything seems sane and normal, you come out of the blue. I don't understand. I just don't understand.



Why are you just so confusing?!? I don't know how to read into this. I don't even know if I have to read into this. We started out fine, then it got a bit rocky, then it kinda flatlined. But suddenly, it got revived out of nowhere! It revived slowly but surely. Although everything still seems kinda weird.



This is just so confusing. What exactly is happening? Care to shed any light on this?

Whatever It Takes

It just seems so weird, this feeling of not having written for so long and now trying to jumpstart a fire out of the dwindling embers.



It feels so wrong yet so right, trying to lay down suppressed thoughts into writing after all this time.



Will I ever get back into the game again before it's too late? Will I get there without being sidetracked?



I think it's possible, but it comes with a certain amount of discipline.



I need this. I need to push forward.



I need to do whatever it takes.



Whatever it takes.



Now, what exactly is that supposed to mean? Bridges may be burned, promises may be broken, yet what would "whatever it takes" actually entail? Better yet, when exactly would someone know when to do "whatever it takes"?



It takes a certain skill to do it. It takes even more skill to stick by it.



And how, exactly, would this all end up? I think it depends on how much "whatever it takes" attitude one uses.



Is it a state of mind? Or a course of action? Will it change a person? Define a person? Or truly is the person?



When will you know, when will you have good sense to stop?



Whatever it takes.



Such a scary thing. Who would have thought that three words would have such a dominating presence. An intimidating presence. Who would have thought that these three words, grouped in this way, would have such a reverberating impact.



Whatever it takes.



Do you have what it takes to do whatever it takes?

Forever Thankful

For the past 20 years of my life, I have received a lot of blessings -- so much, in fact, that it would take me forever to show my gratitude. As it will take forever, I might as well begin.

I thank God first of all for setting the stage for me to be who I am and who I ought to be. Without Him, I am nothing, and so everything I was, everything I am, and everything I will be, I owe all up to him.

I thank my immediate family, for all their love and support. I thank them for always believing in me, most especially when I lose belief in myself. I thank my parents, for all the guidance they have given me in my times of doubt. Thank you for always cheering me on, for giving me the drive to go on when others have lost confidence in me. I thank my siblings for keeping my feet planted on the ground. Thank you for putting up with me and my mood swings, that despite my being difficult (and my lack of patience) you never cease to love and respect me.

To Papa and Mama, who are now in heaven, I thank both of you for being the best grandparents ever. Thank you for all the love you have showered upon me. To Papa most especially, thank you for keeping your promise. I truly appreciate it.

To my dogs (yes, they deserve my thanks) -- Jinsky, Mocha, and Sparky -- thank you for teaching me responsibility. Thank you for teaching me how to care for someone other than myself. Thank you for all the love and happiness you have given me and my family -- and everyone else who have met you.

I thank everyone who I have crossed paths with, for all the lessons I have picked up along the way. You are too many to mention, but I will try my best to thank as much as I can. :)

To all my teachers, I thank you not only for the academic lessons but most importantly the lessons of life. I thank you for teaching me how to manage my time, how to maintain my drive for success, how to be competitive.

To my debate teammates and coaches, thank you for helping me get out of my shell. I used to be really shy and unsure of myself before, so thank you for teaching me confidence and assurance. Whenever I look back, I always consider this to be my first real break. :)

To all my orgmates in college, thank you for teaching me how to work and manage projects.

To my JPES family, thank you for giving me a chance to practice my project management skills on a larger scale.

To my RegCom family, thank you for teaching me how to work with different people. Thank you for teaching me how to manage people. Thank you, most of all, for being a family to me.

To my P&G family, thank you for the real life lessons you have shared with me. Thank you for giving me a chance to apply all my skills (and develop new ones).

To all my friends, thank you for all the crazy moments we've had together. Thank you for teaching me that it's fine to go crazy and let loose every once in a while.

As I enter my 21st year, I hope and pray that I continue receiving blessings, and in turn that I may share my gifts with others, helping me become the best person I could be.

Going Old School in a High-Tech Society

I've always been a pen-and-paper person. In this day and age, I consider myself a dying breed. Normally, people nowadays go about with their notes tucked safely into their smartphones or laptops. I must admit, I am kinda tech-savvy, too -- which is why I pine for the latest gadgets rolled out by the major players.

But at the end of the day, I still go back to my handy-dandy notebook. I'm not so much a purist as to not have any notes or to-do lists saved on my phone or my laptop. However, I'd say around 99% of everything that goes on in my head is written down on a clean sheet of paper.

I think it's safe for me to say that note-taking is part of my daily routine, nay, part of who I am. I tend to forget things, so I write down as much as I can on a piece of paper. I've proven to myself in the past that I write faster than I type. Plus, it's really pretty difficult to quickly draw arrows on a laptop or a smartphone right?

On Writing

I've always been a huge fan of literature. Even as a child, I would rather stay cooped up inside with my nose buried into a book than roll around on the grass with my siblings. I even remember that when I would be fetched late from preschool class, I'd do reading comprehension lessons -- just because it was fun. :)

My passion for writing then subsequently flourished. Only a few people know this, but I've written at least four kinds of literature: a few novels, some short stories, a yet unfinished play (the manuscript of which is lost somewhere in the depths of my old drawer), and tons of essays. For me, writing is a liberating process. It frees you up from the excess emotions buried deep within your soul. Mind you, only the excess gets transferred to your work (at least that's what I believe in). For me, even the greatest writer in the world will never be able to fully capture the whole plethora of human emotions.

I think the best that any writer (or pseudo-writer like myself) could hope for is to capture as much emotion as possible. If need be, it is the duty of the writer to generate as much excess emotion as needed to better his/her work of art.

One of my favorite poets, Pablo Neruda, has really hit close to perfection with his poem Tonight I Can Write. It has the right blend of poignancy and sincerity that makes one's heart go out to the 'I' of the poem. If you haven't read his poem, here it is after the break.

Challenge: 50 Books Read for 2012

For those who know me, you probably know that I have a personal goal set for this year: to read 50 books in 12 months.

But, seeing that I've already completed 43 books in 8months, I'm upping the ante a bit.

New Challenge: Read at least one book from the 1001 books to read before you die list each month.

Let's see if I could do this. :)